Ah, the season of love! This will make you feel better: Total spending for Valentine’s Day is expected to top $18.2 billion, according to the National Retail Federation. That’s an average of $136.57 per person. Flowers, candy, cards, jewelry, fancy meals, and much more will be purchased on this fabricated, I mean, meaningful holiday.
After extensive research, I have found that the average male spends from 15 to 30 seconds while purchasing an appropriate card. If we’re in trouble or have done something stupid, we could spend a whole minute searching for the right one. There we stand looking at acres of possibilities. Do I go sappy or do I go witty? Did the author of these verses fully capture the depth of my swirling emotions? Do I actually read what is written inside or do I just believe that I’ve picked the right look, the right verse, and, yes, the right gender. Do I buy a blank card and take a chance my own words will cause my true love’s heart to flutter? Decisions, decisions.
We might need help, but who do we ask? Two young ladies were determined to help their spinster aunt find romance. They knew that a prominent judge in their small town had been widowed in the last few years. They began to plot. They handcrafted a Valentine’s Day card and labored over just the right words to include in the card they would send to the judge on behalf of their unsuspecting aunt. They poured over the dictionary, searched through a Thesaurus, even looked in the Bible. One of the young women finally raised her head in triumph. “I finally found a word that rhymes with ‘Valentine’” she exclaimed. “If it’s in the Bible, it must be okay.” So they put the finishing touches on their project and put the card in the mail. Several days later, the judge opened the envelope and read: “If you will be my Valentine, I will be your concubine.”
They meant well.